Today’s topic is about handling children’s tantrums the right way.
Do read till the end, especially the fourth point where I have discussed handling your own emotional outburst. When the child is cranky and that’s the most important one.
The first point, let them feel the emotions… When the child is having a melt-down he is obviously overwhelmed with a lot of unpleasant emotions.
The underlying reasons could be anything from hunger, tiredness to the stress of having a new baby in the house… In any case, we are always in a hurry to end the chaos and bring things back to normal at any cost. We ask the child to stop crying and stop overreacting. We immediately disapprove of his big feelings.
Bath time always triggers a meltdown in my house. I don’t understand the logic as to why someone would hate going into the water so much. But who am I to judge? I am having my own irrational fears and anxieties. Then why should I invalidate her? Accept and validate her emotions with a broad mind.
Don’t judge her for what she is feeling. She is still growing and can’t see the big picture like you and me. She doesn’t have the same judgment and experience as us. Just be with her and help her feel her emotion thoroughly until it fades away. Imagine a train going inside a dark tunnel, it can’t come out until it covers the entire distance inside the dark tunnel.
So, be patient and offer empathy I understand. I know how hard it is for you!
Don’t turn your back. When the child is fussy, we simply want to get out of there and not deal with that situation at all. We leave him on his own to calm down and ask him to not talk to you until he is quiet.I have a question for you
How do you feel when you are ignored and left alone when you are in distress?
You shut your child off make his world collapse. He needs you the most when he is not able to handle his overwhelming emotions. Whatever the reason maybe, just stay close to him mentally and physically. After he is calm, it is the right time to help him correct his behavior depending upon what triggered the tantrum.
Label the feelings
The very first step in correcting the behavior is introducing the emotion to your child and then teaching them how to react to that emotion. Children are often unaware of what is causing this unpleasant reaction inside them. Tell them the name of the emotion that they are feeling.
If it is the ‘jealousy’ that he is feeling because of all the attention the new baby is getting, tell him so, without judging or shaming the child. That will help him understand his own emotional outburst better.
Don’t steal your child’s hardship
I have had my own emotional breakdown when my child is cranky. I have cried, yelled, and felt completely miserable trying to handle my child’s tantrums. If you have felt the same, I don’t judge you… It’s natural and I understand.
Why does this happen? Because we get sucked into the child’s emotions.
We start feeling the same anxiety ourselves and expect the child to make us feel better. You get stuck in the cycle of yelling with your child. Break this cycle, keep your own mental state separate from your child’s. He is going through a hard time. It is not an equal relationship. You need to be there for him with your calm and composed self!
One last practical tip
if you know what normally triggers your child’s tantrum,
try to avoid that situation if possible
